The College World Reporter

40 Year Old Princess & the Frog

I was on my way to see a movie a couple of weeks ago and I ran into a gang of Princess’ leaving the new Disney production of “Princess and the Frog” movie. When I say, I ran into a gang of Princess’ it was just that. There were these beautiful little majesties that came straight out of a story book. They were magical and filled with the spirit of the movie. They waved their wands and were draped with pink and glitter form head to toe. I felt humbled in their presence. I felt humbled the way that only royalty can surrender you. I saw the distinct possibilities of them maturing into the hierarchy of nobility and then transcending into “GODDESS”. However, most times a dream deferred does dry up like a raisin in the sun. The reality is that their individual potential will likely be wasted on false idioms of chivalry and old out-dated feminine ideology that fall short of making a way for them in the “NOW”.

In my book, “The Man-You-All” I take a look at the affects of fairy tales on the subconscious of women and from there the way they mold ‘their ideas” about what a man is “suppose to do”. The fairy tale most would say is outdated and passé. Others say that “Someday my Prince will come”. But for the 40 year old princesses out there therapy is on the way. The impact of fairy tales are so in grained in the subconscious of the culture that the blatancy of their presence is not even necessary anymore. The culture has assimilated their very essence. The fairy tale is the first. It is a complete microcosm of the way both genders interact with one another compassionately, affectionately and romantically. It is for most boys and girls their first “LOVE”. The new Disney production sets a precedent by having the first African American Princess presented to a commercial audience. The “Mad Men” on Madison Avenue must be looking at the marriage statistics for African Americans and panicking severely, this movie had to be made.

From the non-believer to the truest convert our ideas about relationships are shaped early by a fairy tale construct, period. As a by-product of celluloid this is your indoctrination whether direct or indirectly. Rather if your mother warned you about a wolf like character out in the streets plotting to lead you off the path of chastity or if you were prepped since birth to marry only a certain kind of man, its remnants are there.

Now the question I have for my 30+ Princess’ is-“WHY”? The Relationship begins with “YOU” and not with the “TWO”.  The “YOU” designs the fabric of your life. The “YOU” takes the fairy tale and processes it and uses it to create something unique and special. Listen, personally I love fairy tales. I love the music, the animation, the story and the lessons. But the architect of my personal fairy tale is me and me alone. If you are a little girl that dresses up like a princess sometimes I understand. Even if you are that little girl that snaps off when your mother wants you to take off your princess costume, I understand. But if you are a grown woman who dresses up like a little princess for her birthday every year and uses new years as an excuse to put a Tiara like object on your head-help is on the way.

Tiana and the Prince have an opportunity to find R.E.A.L love when both are turned into frogs because they have to work to see the real person inside. They are a reflection of each other while working together to find a solution to their dilemma. That sets the pace for the Happy Ending along with creating a business together. I love it. The drama that ensues makes the movies that much more great. The lesson in the end is about inner beauty, which is the only beauty, and is the only message that needs to be taken away from the experience.

What Steve Harvey Forgot to Say

Steve Harvey is a genius! He has created a branding empire. He is a multi-millionaire who rose from meager beginnings to take over the comedy world.  Steve Harvey is a man who has always been a self starter and business man even from the very beginning. His accolades continue to increase even now as he successfully ventured into the world of being an author. His best-selling book titled "Act like a Lady-Think like a Man" has been critically acclaimed, not just by the African American community, but by all segments of society. When I was asked by CEO of CWR- Donell Edwards had I read the book I had to respond in kind by saying-no? I thought it would be a great opportunity to see what the fuss was about. Many ladies seem to ask me about how do I feel about Steve Harvey's book and I always say that," I welcome any opportunity for women to stop and discuss topics about not only men's points of view about relationships but their own." As a relationship guru I applaud an intelligent well thought out commentary about relationships.

 
Steve Harvey's Book is not the Bible for all women seeking answers about relationships with men. It is a perspective that a man who is aged and seasoned in the ways of women and the simple manipulation men perform on them talked about with fervor and passion.

However, the rules of engagement have been changed due to the myriad of options women now have. As style appears to change and technology appears to grow at a rapid rate consciousness about relationships have also changed. The key to having insight into the mind of a man is first having the insight into the mind of oneself, as a woman. I say this because for thousands of years women have laid back in the shadows wielding their sword of influence and power from the shadows. Now, women by the mere greatness have emerged and need a new way of dealing with the children (men) they expect to LOVE THEM.
 
Steve Harvey has got some good points in reference to developing standards and developing a plan of attack. A lot of women "just go with the flow" and will not just admit that they do this because most of the time they don't know what they are doing with a man so, they just let him lead without any qualifiers. Expecting "a man to be a man" and do the things that a man is suppose to do is too broad and dangerous for women with their first encounter with a potential suitor. Decide what is good for you! Build a plan around you first and then the needs of outside entities second.

Steve Harvey has even got a good solid way to deter the riffraff that contaminate the intentions of a good woman.

Point: Find out if the price is too high.

Many men want the "free one" or "the hook-up" when it comes to dealing with women. Basically, men want to deal with as little as possible in pursuits of a woman's time, money and energy. Women usually don't let a man know what the price is because like all bad salesperson they are afraid of getting what they want, so they compromise lose focus and eventually lose the sale.
 
But what Steve Harvey forgot to say was how important a plan is before you get into a situation. I commend him for trying to get the ladies to clean up their mess that they got themselves into, but what about a defensive and preemptive strike.

Example:

• Plan to have a way to get home if the initial date or outing is going awry. 
• Plan to drive your own car, until you get to know him better, then keep driving. 
• Plan to have enough money to cover your half of the date. 
• Plan to take at least one self-defense course at your gym.
• Plan to maximize your potential before and while in a relationship.
• Plan to use your instincts instead of your heart.
• Plan to overstand the workings of your own mind instead of a man's mind.
• Plan to take classes at Home Improvement stores instead of looking for a man who has taken the class already.
• Plan to redefine what a "man" means to you before a boy posing as a man walks up pretending again.  

                   Stay Focused!